Romanticize Solitude and Accept Loneliness: The Happy Path Even When You are Alone
I first felt lonely when I was in elementary school. Back then I had to feel alone because of one or two things that I can accept the reason for now, well, as an adult.
After that, I never felt lonely again. Because I tend to be able to adapt to any kind of environment. Whether in an environment with friends who like to play, like to discuss, like to walk, like to eat, like to cook, or just sit quietly. Moreover, I ended my teenage years as a boarding school student. Well, I’m always surrounded by people wherever I am.
So what’s loneliness? I realized I was getting lonely as I entered early adulthood. Where the world didn’t seem interesting to me anymore. I decided to join activities that I didn’t think were a waste of time, narrowed my circle, and started organizing myself as if there was no more time to be lonely. But that’s when I felt lonely.
I felt the tightness of not being able to meet other people. Friends were getting busy. College friends were busy with organizations, playing with friends they liked better, and of course going out and eating with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Yes, I’m 24 years old now, and I’ve been single ever since.
The 2020 pandemic hit me hard. I lost a lot of things. Busy and fun things, friends, relationships built because of activities, opportunities for communication, discussion spaces, and worst of all I lost the motivation to get back into the zone even when Corona had allowed me to hang out with people. Does this also include the long effect of loneliness?
But like the usual me, I felt guilty all the time for staying silent and doing nothing. And I started a new hobby, which was reading. Now I have more than 50 books and some I read at the local library. Although I haven’t read much in a long time. And there I learned, that loneliness must be accept, and there are important things that can be enjoyed through solitude.
When I was alone, with many limitations, and unreturned messages from friends, I opened my eyes to read. And it turns out that I can make friends with solitude.
Before that, I was a hard-core extrovert. I had a hard time staying quiet for long periods of time. I needed other people to recharge my energy that I had lost. I was always exhausted when I was alone. But I learned that even on my own, I can do what I want.
Books divert half of my energy into something more positive. I went back to enjoying Korean dramas as an interesting source of healing after thinking they were just an escape when I was lonely. I’m back to enjoying sitting down to chat even if it’s just for a minute. I also enjoyed looking at the sky and sitting alone. I carry every book in my bag, wherever I go, well, I rarely do that nowadays.
When my college friend left me on a date, I reached out to an old friend, who was now my best friend again. I was introduced to k-pop. The music I had known only contained Super Junior, SNSD, 2PM, Bigbang, BTS, and Blackpink. I enjoyed it. And of course, I got closer to my best friend and two other people who loved this world first.
Now I enjoy k-pop as a friend. Part of my journey even to complete my undergraduate studies. Many people say “How can you like K-pop? What a waste! Why do you have to like k-pop?” A simple answer is:
I was romanticizing solitude. Doing what I like, improving myself, changing my mindset, and having fun without disturbing and being disturbed by other people’s lives. I’m learning to love solitude.
Now I’m an introvert. I like myself the way I am. I like meeting people, but I don’t mind being alone. I might get tired if I spend more time with people who don’t fit in (well, not like in the past), need more alone time after hanging out with groups of people, and choose to stay at home on holidays. But I have fun with it.
Maybe I feel lonely once in a while, but I make peace with the loneliness by calling old friends, sitting at a cafe alone, going to the movies, Gramedia or other bookstores, the library, or just sleeping while binge-watching the korean dramas. Now I realize:
That solitude is not the same as loneliness. Even when we are always alone in solitude, we are not necessarily lonely. And when we start to feel lonely, we can even treat it ourselves.
Try to break out of the grip of loneliness even if you are alone. Don’t let loneliness eat up your happiness. We all deserve to be happy, even with solitude. We can make solitude interesting.
Try to decorate your room, if you are a migrant, find a comfortable room or boarding house, don’t sacrifice yourself. Play, take a walk to the place you want to visit. Try to do it yourself, I’ve tried it and it was fun. Eat the food you like, don’t wait for others to ask “what do you want to eat?” but ask yourself “what do I want?”
Go to the movies alone, you will find comfort in doing so, go to the concert you want without waiting for when friends can accompany you, talk to your family when you don’t have friends to talk. Go on a date with yourself to the salon, mall, or wherever you want when you don’t have a lover. Honor yourself, pay attention to yourself.
Oh yeah, if you’re tired, you can rest, sleep comfortably, read your book, watch your favorite k-drama or series, check out your favorite idol’s content, or whatever you like to relieve your tiredness and restlessness. If you want to tell stories, you can write, just like what I do.
Finally, I haven’t really gotten out of the loneliness zone. Sometimes I feel it. But I’m trying to overcome it. In solitude there are consequences that we have to accept, but in solitude there is freedom that we can enjoy. Let’s romanticize our solitude. Oh yes, accept your loneliness, that way you can overcome it. Love!
I’m trying my best to write in english, hopefully it can provide benefits, be healthy and happy always!
